June 19, 2006

• Genuine Creativity, Please?

  WARNING:  This post contains brief but incisive profanity.  Not for the desperately faint of heart, or the overly self-righteous Christian.

  One of the careers I might have excelled at, given the opportunity, is that of Advertising Copywriter.  I've always had a flair for catchy titles, slogans, etc.  Plays on words.  The world of advertising is a dog-eat-dog world with a ridiculous emphasis on "youth", and I probably wouldn't have lasted anyway.  But it's a moot point because I never got the opportunity.

  Anyway, just about ten minutes ago I came up with an absolutely wonderful book title.  It's based on the story of Adam and Eve in the Biblical book of Genesis.  The title would fit a novel or else a theological book with the theme of man's free will; the choices we make in life - individually and collectively - and the consequences they lead to; etc.  Obviously it would be applicable in a wide variety of situations and contexts.

  So are you ready for it?  Here it is:  Eat or Be Eden .  Think about it.  Of course, if you don't have at least a passing familiarity with the Bible you CAN'T think about it. 

  I'll never write a novel, and my one FABULOUSLY INSPIRATIONAL article submission to a Christian magazine was summarily rejected a number of years ago (I don't take rejection gracefully), so you're welcome to use the title if you want to.  I'm not going to divulge, though, the title I came up with back in the early 90's for a Chicago restaurant guide.  I still may write that book one of these days.

  Now for the advertising rant.  You're familiar with the brand of men's underwear called "BVD", right?  Maybe you're not.  Anyway, a few years ago they were running TV commercials whose tag line was, "You can do it better in your BVDs!"  The ads ran for months and months.  Whatever exactly "it" was, somehow BVD briefs enabled a man to do "it" better.  Now how lame is THAT slogan?  How much did they pay the genius who came up with THAT?  You don't see BVD ads any more.  Maybe that ad caused the company to go out of business. 

  By contrast, here's my very upscale ad campaign for BVD underwear, which after all needs to distinguish itself in the marketplace from its more well-known but decidedly blue collar peers such as Fruit of the Loom.  Ready?  "Be Very Discriminating."  It would be a series of ads featuring dapper men of varying ages playing polo, exiting from limos, escorting beautiful women to cotillions, etc. - attired normally in every way except that their bottom half would be clad only in a pair of BVD briefs.  It would be humorous and at the same time tasteful.  And wouldn't you REMEMBER what product was being advertised if you associated it in your mind with "Be Very Discriminating"?

  Now we have the current Burger King commercial, featuring a human in a giant chicken costume riding a motocross motorcycle, doing various stunts, while a male voice sings in the background, over and over "Big..... Huckin'..... Chicken.....". (It's a pity I don't know how to link to the actual jingle here.)  Huh??  HUCKIN'?????  What the huck??  Are you trying to say "Big Fuckin' Chicken", Burger King, but you can't be profane on TV?  Is THAT it?  As if that's not ignorant enough, can't you at least be GENUINELY CREATIVE about it?  What about "Big CLUCKIN' Chicken" or "Big PLUCKIN' Chicken", for God's sake?  I came up with BOTH of those in about 30 seconds, the very first time I heard the stupid commercial.  I hope they didn't pay the ad agency more than the price of a single Big Huckin' Chicken sandwich for THAT clunker.

  I wrote this little post here in just under a half hour, as a way (among other things) of procrastinating over replacing that stupid car battery.  Let me know what you think of my musings and my slogans.  And if you have any of your own, my readers and I would love to hear them.

  Thanks for reading.  As Marla (civildis) always says, I love you all.  And boy, is it good to have her back on Xanga!  Please continue to pray for her, and send loving thoughts her way.

  EDIT:  Another amusing commercial is also, I think, Burger King's.  In this one, a guy is sitting down with his girlfriend at a fancy restaurant.  Suddenly he stands up from the table.  "I can't eat this SISSY food!" he exclaims.  I'm a MAN, man!"  He then abandons his girlfriend to rush across the street to a fast food restaurant, where he joins thousands of other guys who are lining up for a big, gloppy, takes-two-hands-to-handle-this-son-of-a-bitch Whopper.

  Now you can look at the advertising strategy here in terms of the glass being half empty or half full.  But I say, "Great way to alienate 50% of your potential demographic, B.K.!" 

  • 4:54 pm
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