October 7, 2006

  • Losing the Blessing

    Last December I told you about the guy I've been friends with since high school, who became a doctor and is quite prosperous.  Last year Dr. John wrote his mother a check for $250,000 to purchase the family home, and he has since been extensively renovating it while also maintaining an apartment (a "pied a terre", as he calls it) in one of the more exclusive neighborhoods of Chicago.  So he has a 3-bedroom house plus the apartment, and is single with no children.


    My friend Dr. John actually works about 4 hours a day, 4 days a week.  He goes in to the office around noon, converses with his receptionist, maybe sees a patient or two, then goes for a 2-hour lunch.  After that he is ready to see patients again until about 6 PM.  He frequently gets quite grumpy at the end of his long, exhausting day at the office, but a good prime rib and a few drinks will generally loosen him up a bit.


    My friend goes on three or four exotic vacations a year.  A month ago he took his office receptionist on a 2.5 week visit to Germany and Poland.  Not having heard anything from him since his projected return date, I phoned him at the office yesterday to see if he had gotten home safely (he had) and how his trip was (it was great).  He was still at lunch when I called at 3:30 PM, and the receptionist sort of apologized that Dr. John hadn't gotten in contact with me his oldest and dearest friend, explaining what a very busy man he is.  Dr. John called me back around 4:30 in a somewhat agitated state, saying that his office was full of patients.  We had time to exchange just a bit of news.


    "I've had a 'guest' in my home since September 8," he said exasperatedly, naming a friend of his from his college days.  "That's a month," I said, "and you were on your trip for some of that time. Is he homeless?"  "Homeless and penniless," Dr. John said with obvious disgust.  "And it looks like it's up to ME to save his sorry ass."  "Well, there are a lot of us poor souls who need saving," I replied. "Consider it a privilege.  Perhaps that's what God has put you on this earth for."  He sort of harumphed, and thus the conversation basically ended.


    I thought about the conversation afterward.  I don't know much about his college buddy's circumstances.  And there are certainly people who will abuse our kindness.  But I, having far fewer resources than Dr. John, consider it an absolute privilege to be in a position to help someone else in a meaningful way.  One of the reasons I miss my former 3-bedroom house is because I now no longer have the room to take in more than the occasional short-term stray.  If I could afford it I would fill a mansion with the lost souls of the earth, asking only that they contribute some simple household chores and the pleasure of their company.


    Dr. John, on the other hand, while he does extend help to some people, always does so grudgingly, complaining about it all the while.  And it occurs to me that in so doing he loses a great deal of his blessing, both here and in the world to come.


     

Comments (46)

  • what an interesting way of looking at the situation.....he could be more generous, not only with helping others out, but with his time too.  you are right.  :)   have a great day

  • Seems like Dr. John is blessed! Maybe it's not his time to be a blessing to others yet. We all do things in time, not your time, nor mine but in Most High's time.

  • You should edit that first sentence to read "who became a doctor and is quite pompous."  You are a far better person than Dr. John because you care about the world and the people in it.  He, however, only cares about getting his ego stroked and will remind his present house guest how grateful he should be for eternity.  This guy is only it it for himself.  I can't remember the name of the movie but on the witness stand in the court room the doctor (Alec Baldwin maybe?) screams "I am God!"  This man needs to find him self a good egotologist and have his removed.

  • I'm curious as to how often this "friend" invites you out to dinner.  Or how often he's the one who initiates contact with you.  I, for one, do indeed know of ones who abuse kindness, but if he feels that he's being used there's a way to remedy the situation.  Otherwise, he has no reason to complain.  I'm like you, my friend.  I'd love to open a house for needy souls to share holiday dinners and daily chats.

  • i have to see this thru your eyes... indeed, thomas lived with me about 5 months before he was able to contribute any money at all, and even now, he isn't able to do what he said he would. still, i quite fancy having his company and he is quite handy with things around here...

    i find that helping others because it gives me joy is the best reason to do it. i often do things at work for the whole company simply because my company is falling apart and it really does my heart good knowing my coworkers smile when they see the little bits i do.

    i'll be posting pictures as soon as i take some of what i've done to the place for halloween (yes, i started doing things to the office on the 1st of October... they'll stay up until halloween!)

    be well!

  • ....."easier for a camel to go through the eye of........"

    I always said that if I had money like that, I'd help my family and friends and maybe even open up a gym or community center for street kids. But talk is cheap I guess. I wonder if I would follow through? I guess I'll never know.

     I understand your friend though. I had a good friend who was a fellow gang member. He is now the most famous of all tattoo artists in Los Angeles. He's tattood all of "Hollywood's finest" celebrities and he has money. We used to be tight, but when his career took off and he started to get money...a lot of "homies" would expect something from him. Free this, free that. When I came around to talk or invite him places, he would brush me off assuming that I wanted something. Back then it really pissed me off and I stopped talking to him. Money can test you in many ways.

     I try to help others as much as I could. And I do some things for the community. It's hard to find the time, but I agree with you..there is great satisfaction in it.

  • and yet he still makes some difference no? But I see your point...

  • I love your view on hospitality, I share it. I thank God for people like you because when my family would be in the US we totally depended on people's hospitality to have a place to sleep.

  • :) thanks.  he's 20.

  • ryc: very funny john lol

  • i agree.  i have a guest room and i've had three different people live in it - free of charge - but i'm amazed how many people with so much, like your friend, harbor resentment toward those in need.

  • There is a local "super" church here which has adopted the slogan "Blessed to Bless".  When you see the license plate brackets you know where they attend.  Tis true, God gives much to some and little to others.  The idea for those with much is to use it for good.  Seems I recall a verse that says "God loves a cheerful giver." 

    Tim

  • Well, I finally have made my way here from Miguel's site. I've absorbed your writiing and comments on his site but never even considered adding you to my daily reading. Something I regret having not done a long time ago. I like your writing. Like Miguel's it is thought provoking and speaks your mind which is what I try to do. Granted, today was not one of those days. LOL

    As for your friend... I feel sorry for him. By taking the road and belief he is with it what life changing lesson will he miss out on. Perhaps when he least expects it the person whom he is speaking of will be the one to help him instead of what he perceives as his being asked to be the helper.

    Thank you!

  • Hey, 007,

    Is Dr. John still doing those 80 push-ups per day?

    Any particular reason why the receptionist accompanied him on this trip?

    I am sure you know your friend well; perhaps other factors have contributed to his attitude during the times he has talked to you about helping people.

    -DI Edifice

  • see, now if all the people in the world who thought like you had the resources to own mansions, (instead of the people who occupy 2 of 67 rooms on a daily basis), it would be an infiniately better place.

  • But ecc, you are just a good person.

    And sadly, there just aren't many of those left around this world.

  • Even so, a month of freeloading is wrong, wrong, wrong, and it is wrong to criticize a gifthorse, just my opinion.

  • Well... I really dont' know what the fuck is going on but should help the guy to get his wings working?

  • RYC: "apotheosis of hebetude"<----------should I admit that I had to look both wors up? I thought Drakonskyr was a walking Lexicon! Good job, and thanks for reading this old talking chimp!

  • Nice.

    p

  • I love D-Knowledge. where did you hear about him from? I just thought folks in Los Angeles knew about him. He's amazing. Oh and I miss being able to take in the occassional stray myself

    p

  • ryc: to pure dumb luck, I'm blessed to come from a family with great genes   thank you, by the way, that was very kind

  • lol, I'm a true night owl, I'm off to bed as soon as the dawn hits

  • RYC: Gian Maria Volonte is his name. He is Italian I believe...He starred in all those old Clint Eastwood movies as the bad guy. BTW, I know that you didin't...Lisa never did either, it's like a joke between us. I referred to myself as a talking chimp once...it just stuck.

  • I would never want to give something that I didn't feel good about.

  • if i were a part of your dreamhouse... you'd be kicking me out in no time... the only household chores i know of are sleeping, reading, eating, watching, and r a n t i n g... but it would make me very happy just to make it to your doormat :)

  • MY grandparents were like the Kennedys of Jamaica, and when they came here they couldn't bring all their money but STILL brought their attitude---theirs was always an open house for anyone in need

    Coming of age during the crack epidemic of the 80s i saw a lot of kids being pimped out by their addicted parents, i stopped it when i could, but one person don't put much of a dent into something so rampant as that.  So while i should broadcast that i give 25% of the proceeds from my book to Children of the Night to boost sales so that i can give more...i always thought that was tacky

    So i've written a good book and have great intentions, but it's the tree falling in the forest with no one around to hear  STILL, methinks it's what the Jews call a mitzpah to do what you can to make the world a little bit better...Dr ME is a putz

  • I am not sure how I came to the conclusion that you weren't black but I think it was the comment and a couple of other posts. LOL

    But your knowledge is impressive especially if you know who D is. I saw him speak a couple of years ago. He was absolutely amazing. Then I saw Saul Williams a couple of times. Truly the man is genuis.

    p

  • RYC: the doctor's guest was freeloading? A month is a long time, the doctor can't permanently just let him stay there, unless there is some kind of love interest which there clearly is not.

  • How sad for your friend John.... I feel sorry for him. He's missing out on something joyful, something spiritual. He's in the position to be a blessing in the lives of others, and yet rather than "see" the blessing, he turns that blessing into something dreadful, something negative. Makes me wonder how many other blessings have passed before him in this life, which could have had such a profound impact on his life but he was too full of "self" and negativity to see them... to embrace the beauty of them. What a sad, sad shame.

    ~Namaste~

    )0(

    CrimsonWings (A Goddess in the making!)... A continuous work in progress!

  • You make a good point...the good doctor is missing out on a deep source of satisfaction...my guess is that he looks at people as if he were looking ar a ledger...adding up theur character flaws and deducting from the whole... and in truth any peson ..if could you really see them minus the trappings of sucess or the indignity we associate with poverty would look about the same....we are all miracles and worthy.

  • RYC---My familiy as the Jamaican Kennedys is a book my uncle should write  Just scared to mention it to him since i got him working on a screenplay for MY book

  • I think it's easy to slip into this. When much is given to you, and you make it your living to assist other people, you might start feeling put upon by the demands of other's needs. This can be a drain, even if your life is a blessing by comparison. It's mostly to do with one's perspective. It does sound like this guy is old enough to know better already. If I succeed in life, I really don't want to wind up like this.

  • We were destined to be!  :) "If I could afford it I would fill a mansion with the lost souls of the earth, asking only that they contribute some simple household chores and the pleasure of their company."  I feel the exact same way.

    ryc:  My commute is usually between 40 and 50 minutes.  It's actually only 20 miles from home.  Not too bad.  I used to work 3 miles from home, but hated the company I worked for.  Also, I don't want to move to Dallas County for a couple of reasons.  One being, I feel that in order for my child to get a quality education, I would need to enroll her in a private school.  In Dallas, the cost of private school is absurd.  Two being, Dallas County property taxes are substantially more than Collin County, where I currently live.  I really like living in Plano.  Any other time than rush hour, it would take 20-25 minutes to get to my office.  :)

  • ryc: no ... never seen it.

  • ryc:  Destined to be great friends, 2 peas in a pod...................  :)

  • Filipinos are baaaaad news. I dated one Filipino and that was enough to teach me a lesson. Fuck that. Like it's not bad enough that I am one.

  • if youre in your 40's homeless and penniless, im afraid there is no hope for you.
    RYC: is it too rude to ask if your filipino ex-wife was born poor in the philippines? because that would explain why you stay away from filipinas now. the exact opposite of why my ex loves 'em now. am i making sense?

  • ryc:  Julian skins and dresses the deer.  We take it to a place called Kuby's in Dallas to have it processed.  :)

  • What if the doctor watched his homeless friend steal the doctor's girlfriend at university, mainly because the doctor worked unreasonable hours while his partying buddy had all the time in the world. No degree to speak of, but a great partier. Could've been anything, but you get the idea.

    On the surface, he sounds too close to Scrooge for my liking. He is also the one that could help you, and should, being best friends and all.

    I guess it's not a stretch to say he's been psychologically damaged by something, and hasn't dealt with it. He must have a decent heart underneath it all, or you wouldn't still be referring to him as a friend.

    RYC; Geez, you’re up early, eh? J
     
    Why don’t we learn from the past? Other than the bad guys?
     
    I think I must quote you and ask the question in a blog.
     
    I tried using “decontextualized” in a paper at uni a few years ago. I got raked by the prof for trying to invent my own language. (Oh, NO! Who do I sound like? ;)   )
     
    Maybe you can give me some ideas on how to answer him. The argument is not lost until I say it is!
     
    Why your troops were in Somalia is baffling.
     
    My weekend orders were things like “don’t drink and drive”. Since you’re not from Columbus, the rest doesn’t matter. J
     
    Peace
     
    Scott
     
     
     
     
     

  • ryc: oh ... i see

  • RYCRMCRYC; I appreciate you taking the time to delve into the d-word. I presented my case to my prof in much the same manner. My main theme was the use of the word by many academics, thereby making it commonplace and soon to be "dictionarized"! My attempt at humor did not help my case. :-d

  • hmph... I agree... It really is a pleasure to be able to provide for others. It annoys me when people make such an act of being "put upon". If you want to help others, do it. If you don't feel up to the *inconvenience*, just don't do it. How difficult is that? One thing I've learned is that feeling "put upon" is a choice. That man has an ego problem. I hope something or someone crosses his path and helps him out. If he wasn't a good man inside, he wouldn't be helping others like he is at all, I would imagine.
    ryc - I'm just trying to promote a little equality

  • this reminds me of the following from James 2:

    14What good is it, my brothers, if a man claims to have faith but has no deeds? Can such faith save him? 15Suppose a brother or sister is without clothes and daily food. 16If one of you says to him, "Go, I wish you well; keep warm and well fed," but does nothing about his physical needs, what good is it? 17In the same way, faith by itself, if it is not accompanied by action, is dead.

    and from 1 John 3:

    16This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers. 17If anyone has material possessions and sees his brother in need but has no pity on him, how can the love of God be in him? 18Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth.

  • Sounds like a right plum.

  • Since i have this in the clipboard[?] because of a comment i just made, thought i'd share this letter from Iraq with your readers:

    Things are ok.  I would love some books, the kind you know I like!  All we have
    here is a whole bunch of cheesy Harlequin romance type stuff.  And magazines,
    you know how I love magazines.  Mama, could you send me a nice pillow?  I don't
    have one and my neck and shoulders are killing me!  We have a luxury here in the
    EMT (that's Army speak for ER) a stove!  The interpeters bring us things like
    eggs from the economy to bake with etc.  I could use those flavored creams, no
    one here has half and half!  I would even love the half and half that doesn't
    need to be in the fridge.  Anything easy that young people like.  A lot of the
    soldiers come in from the field and haven't eaten so we would like stuff to be
    able to make for them thats easy and reminds them of home.  Also, we cut off a
    lot of soldiers clothes and then they don't have anything else to wear, so we're
    asking for Dollar Store/WalMart type packages of underware, socks, tshirts,
    shorts, you get the idea.

    She's now back, but comments like this:

    I would never want to give something that I didn't feel good about.
    Posted 10/9/2006 at 8:51 AM by TheTheologiansCafe

    shows how disingenous people are

    Yeah, the MEologian has seen it, but Mr Sensitivity who DOES reach a lot of volk on Xanga didn't see fit to do a post about that, and the chickenhawks @ Fox "news" and all the limbaughnista radio stations were just about as CARING  WE SUPPORT THE TROOPS makes good t-shirts and bumper stickers, but like the rich kid who wanted to walk with Jesus, when it comes to divorcing yourself from some of your worldly goods, it's a whole new ball game

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