CONGRESS VOTES TO OUTSOURCE THE PRESIDENCY
May 31, 2007
Washington, DC (AP) --
Congress today announced that the office of President of the United
States of America will be outsourced to India as of July 1, 2008. The move is
being made in order to save the President's $500,000 yearly salary, and also a
record $521 Billion in deficit expenditures and related overhead the office has
incurred during the last 5 years. "We believe this is a wise financial move.
The cost savings are huge." stated Congressman Thomas Reynolds (R-WA). "We
cannot remain competitive on the world stage with the current level of cash
outlay." Reynolds noted.
Mr. Bush was informed by e-mail this morning of his termination.
Preparations for the job move have been underway for some time.
Gurvinder Singh of Indus Teleservices, Mumbai , India will assume the
office of President as of July 1, 2008. Mr. Singh was born in the United
States while his Indian parents were vacationing at Niagara Falls, thus making
him eligible for the position. He will receive a salary of $320 (USD) a month
but with no health coverage or other benefits. It is believed that Mr. Singh
will be able to handle his job responsibilities without a support staff. Due to
the time difference between the US and India, he will be working primarily at
night, when few offices of the U.S. Government will be open. "Working nights will
allow me to keep my day job at the Dell Computer call center," stated Mr. Singh
in an exclusive interview. "I am excited about this position. I always hoped I
would be President."
A Congressional spokesperson noted that while Mr. Singh may not be
fully aware of all the issues involved in the office of President, this should
not be a problem as President Bush was not familiar with the issues either.
Mr. Singh will rely upon a script tree that will enable him to respond
effectively to most topics of concern. Using these canned responses, he can
address common concerns without having to understand the underlying issue at
all. "We know these scripting tools work," stated the spokesperson. "President
Bush has used them successfully for years."
Bush will receive health coverage, expenses, and salary until his final
day of employment. Following a two week waiting period, he will be eligible for
$140 a week unemployment for 13 weeks. Unfortunately he will not be eligible for
Medicaid, as his unemployment benefits will exceed the allowed limit. Mr. Bush
has been provided the outplacement services of Manpower, Inc. to help him write
a resume and prepare for his upcoming job transition. According to Manpower,
Mr. Bush may have difficulties in securing a new position due to limited
practical or successful work experience. A Greeter position at Wal-Mart was
suggested due to Bush's extensive experience shaking hands, as well as his
special smile. "We are confident that he will find something he can do on his
own," said his case worker.
Comments (37)
at the same time, one shouldn't try to relate Washington's foreign policy with the military-- they are two separate entities, although one is in need of the other and vice versa. Our system is flawed, by having the flaw of civilian leadership that allows for our honorable military to be treated in dishonorable ways, and it is a flaw of our civilian leadership that has put the military into an absolutely unplanned chaos with no way of backing out.
If you ask most servicemembers in the armed forces, most of them will agree that they think the ones making our policies in Washington are a bunch of nutjobs to begin with. They make the stupid decisions, and we pay the price of it. When their decisions go bad, they blame it on us, and the American people for "not being supportive" of the Administration or some BS. How convenient.
Thanks for reading.
Well...
I think we should let Bush
be the line leader in Iraq
he could march out in front
and carry our flag.Let him
live off what he pays the military
Men and Women who risk lives everyday.
As long as the new President speaks better English than the Mackund,the Dell computer guy I was on the phone with for 2 hrs I will be able to understand "The State of the Union Address"
It's that a joke? If it isn't I guess "what comes around goes around" I hope Bush will work on walmart as a janitor for minimum wage with no fuckin' benefits. I hate that jackass!
ROFL
TOO FUNNY!
I love it.
p
Ha ha!!! I'd like to see GFWB surviving on $320 a month.... the thought makes me laugh myself sick.
Tomesara.x
Sure why not! Everything else is being sent overseas. You know I had no idea the the pres makes $500,000 a year now. I recall the old days (as I am sure you do too) when he made $200,000. When the sports stars passed him by it was a sad day. Guess they are still ahead of him but I guess he isn't generally entertaining enough!
Tim
OMFG, how funny! I love it!
Hey...great idea....no one understands Bush anyway.
I gotta admit this is funny.
This is hilarious!
Very funny! Thanks for sharing. Keep it up!
FABULOUS John! : )
Thanks for posting this!
::smooches::
Happy Father's Day John
Maybe they should turn it over to Chavez
Happy belated Fathers Day!! This was indeed funny!!
That was actually rather amusing
I will be back next month John. I hope you have written some more by then.
HAHHAHAHAAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! AWESOME!
*waves* hiya. hope all is well.
this is perfect - so so perfect!
hahahaha,,,,, no more than yours is,,,,, is it something going around,,¿¿¿¿ hahahaha,,,,i found part of a question mark,,,, wait,,, the reggaeton rapper is showing me something else??? there it is,,,,,,, ¿this is the correct way to use it,,,, is it not?
im just playing around here,,,,, lucky ive got the reggaetonrapper to show me a few things.
i did hear they were outsourcing all these passports we have to get to go to the grocery store to india,,,,,,, somebody up there has a head on their shoulders. the good news is the passport thing has been postponed another ¿what? 17 months,,, but thats just hearsay from wallythemerchant.
Well. Actually. They are mostly true. Explanation to come soon.
Where's your list, eh?
That is GREAT!
Hey, John,
I think I like Primitive_1's idea best: allowing Bush to be the guide (i.e., standard bearer) for the front lines.
-DI Edifice
Very interesting article... Props to ya. I agree, I wish Bush had an idea on what the hell he was doing.
.><.
Haha... what a great entry.
Sadly, I have a feeling that someone who's never lived hear would work harder and do a better job than Bush.
John, don't you think that it's time to update? It's been almost a month! Happy 4th of July.
happy 4th!
Where are you?
I'd call to complain, but the computer that answers the phone would send me to a call center in India where the representative wouldn't understand my complaint anyway.
dude,,,,, i havent had any internet,,,,, whats your excuse???
*waves* hi...miss ya posts. how ya been?
"Why did you move, John? Did I miss the explanation somehow?" well,,,,, i had just moved to north texas,,,,, and i was waiting for my internet,,,, and was happily playing games on my computer,,, i turned on my i tunes to listen to some music and eventually this mexican music came on,,,,, it made me homesick,,,,,,, dont take much to convince me to do something.
"Crowded cemeteries they have in Mexico. They believe in big ostentatious tombstones, it seems. " hahahahahaha,,,,, another reason i moved back to mexico,,,,, to die... its a lot cheaper to die here and there will be a constant party at your grave until there are no more mexicans....
"Was that your woman at the very end of the second video?" thats my wife,,,,, i left her in mexico too,,,,, easier to take care of her here i guess.
Comments are closed.