October 3, 2008
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An Economic Analysis That Even YOU Can Understand
If you had purchased $1,000 worth of shares in Delta Airlines one
year ago, you'd
have $49.00 today. If you had
purchased $1,000 worth of shares in AIG one year ago, you'd have $33.00 today. If you had purchased $1,000 of shares in Lehman Brothers one year ago, you'd have $0.00 today.On the other hand,
if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all the beer,
then turned in the aluminum cans for recycling, you would have received $214.00, which you could have invested in more beer.Therefore it is patently obvious that the best investment plan in the current economy is to drink heavily and recycle. There's even a name for the plan. It's called the 401-Keg.
In related news, a recent study found that the typical American walks about 900 miles a year. Another study found that Americans
drink, on average, 22 gallons of alcohol a year. This
means that Americans average roughly 41 miles to the gallon!Kinda makes you proud to be an American, don't it?
Comments (17)
now theres a plan,,, hahahahaha,,, but i dont drink beer,,, wheres my share of the rainbow???
well,, i guess i could sift thru garbage cans.
ROFL...that's perfect!
I think you should just do retirement investments for others for a living.
Americans do 41 miles to the gallon! wow, just imagine what they'd do if they were firing on all cylinders!
If I walk more and drink less, does that make me an economy model?
If I drink about the average and walk slightly less, but dress fairly nicely, I'm a Lexus!
If we'd just give every american taxpayer $3,000 instead of the $700B plan, everybody could buy a lot more beer, and we'd all be a lot happier.
Now that you've put it all into its proper perspective, I understand the current economic disaster better than when GWB tried to explain it to us huddled masses.
My stepmother's nephew is big in AIG Hong Kong. So AIG was my only stock. You know, a solid, stable company, not like those volatile dotcom stocks. I sold out in 2007 at $69.60. Even that was at a loss, but actually what a win.
I already do that plan, give me another one.
p
RYC---i'm mainly here: http://answers.yahoo.com/my/profile?show=AA11925493 IF i'm gonna work clean, might as well not put any thought into it
I honestly laughed out loud on this one-- lol for real-- and then called my wife in to read it too. Nice work!
And thanks for the comment!
I must be like a huge SUV or an exotic sports car...I get crappy mileage!
@ApocalypseSoon - Great way to put a positive spin on a drunk who doesn't exercise.
You should have been a politician.
This is fabulously funny and fucking frightening at the same time. What on EARTH has been happening to your economy..? no wait... don't tell me.... a pointless war and a president who's a wasteful scoundrel.
Tomesara.x
@Bapspal - It actually goes much deeper than that, my dear. Unsustainable head-in-the-sand debt, both personal and corporate and governmental, that has been going on for 3 decades. The pointless war and the inept President have contributed greatly, of course.
This is really clever, John.
I think that I get 50 miles to the gallon.
Comments are closed.