Here's a wonderful web site, borrowed from THDmilkman's blog. It almost seems like a satire, but I think they're serious, and expressing their seriousness in a really creative way.

EDIT:  Wow!  _50_ eProps!  You love me!  You REALLY love me!!! 

JoyA41076's mention of Kum & Go      inspired me to post photos of some of the places I visited and sights I saw during my recent Fourth of July trip.  I was fortunate to find another gas station/convenience store of comparable quality, as well as an upscale place to stay:

I came across a wonderful place to buy fishing paraphernalia, and a fabulous source for booze:

Locating a gourmet place to eat was no problem at all:

Of course, to save money I did a bit of cooking on my own, too:

There were times when it was difficult to decide where to go:

A couple of signs seen along the way may well have saved my life:

While other signs were simply quite entertaining:

I don't know why they still haven't taken down that school sign.  But all in all, it was a very enlightening and engaging trip.  America the beautiful, man!  Just like Jessica Simpson said!

[Now watch Kevin72 point out some factual inaccuracy in one of my pics...]   

I must reiterate my paraphrase:  Those who fail to learn from history will condemn the rest of us to repeat it.  You may quote me.

June 19, 2006
The Mercury News

Court Decision Strips Foreigners' Rights
'In essence, he authorized a repeat of the Japanese
internment'
by David Cole

[DAVID COLE is a law professor at
Georgetown University, and a volunteer attorney with the Center for
Constitutional Rights.]

A few weeks ago I picked up, at the local Christian charity where I recycle clothes, etc., a coffee table book entitled Guinness World Records 2001.  I don't think it's the comprehensive all-inclusive Guinness Book of World Records, but neither is it a mere compendium of the records that were set in the year 2001.

At any rate, a couple of entries jumped out at me.  And no matter how jaded YOU are, I think you'll find these two records truly incredible.

BIGGEST COMPUTER HARD DRIVE.  The IBM Deskstar 75 GXP, which was unveiled on March 15, 2000, has 75 gigabytes of space, or more than 10 times the capacity of the hard drive found in the average PC.  Operating at 7,200 rpm, it can store the same amount of data as 18 DVDs, 159 music CDs, or a stack of documents 2 miles high.

FASTEST SODA CRACKER EATER.  On April 20, 2000, during filming for the TV show Guinness World Records. Vic Kent (UK) ate three soda crackers in 2 min. 6 sec.

I think that, with a great deal of practice, I might be able to beat that second record.  The first record will probably never be eclipsed in our lifetimes.

EDIT:  Already four of my commenters seem to think that they can beat the soda cracker world record.  I encourage you all to try it.  It's a cheap thrill.

WARNING:  This post contains brief but incisive profanity.  Not for the desperately faint of heart, or the overly self-righteous Christian.

One of the careers I might have excelled at, given the opportunity, is that of Advertising Copywriter.  I've always had a flair for catchy titles, slogans, etc.  Plays on words.  The world of advertising is a dog-eat-dog world with a ridiculous emphasis on "youth", and I probably wouldn't have lasted anyway.  But it's a moot point because I never got the opportunity.

Anyway, just about ten minutes ago I came up with an absolutely wonderful book title.  It's based on the story of Adam and Eve in the Biblical book of Genesis.  The title would fit a novel or else a theological book with the theme of man's free will; the choices we make in life - individually and collectively - and the consequences they lead to; etc.  Obviously it would be applicable in a wide variety of situations and contexts.

So are you ready for it?  Here it is:  Eat or Be Eden .  Think about it.  Of course, if you don't have at least a passing familiarity with the Bible you CAN'T think about it. 

I'll never write a novel, and my one FABULOUSLY INSPIRATIONAL article submission to a Christian magazine was summarily rejected a number of years ago (I don't take rejection gracefully), so you're welcome to use the title if you want to.  I'm not going to divulge, though, the title I came up with back in the early 90's for a Chicago restaurant guide.  I still may write that book one of these days.

Now for the advertising rant.  You're familiar with the brand of men's underwear called "BVD", right?  Maybe you're not.  Anyway, a few years ago they were running TV commercials whose tag line was, "You can do it better in your BVDs!"  The ads ran for months and months.  Whatever exactly "it" was, somehow BVD briefs enabled a man to do "it" better.  Now how lame is THAT slogan?  How much did they pay the genius who came up with THAT?  You don't see BVD ads any more.  Maybe that ad caused the company to go out of business. 

By contrast, here's my very upscale ad campaign for BVD underwear, which after all needs to distinguish itself in the marketplace from its more well-known but decidedly blue collar peers such as Fruit of the Loom.  Ready?  "Be Very Discriminating."  It would be a series of ads featuring dapper men of varying ages playing polo, exiting from limos, escorting beautiful women to cotillions, etc. - attired normally in every way except that their bottom half would be clad only in a pair of BVD briefs.  It would be humorous and at the same time tasteful.  And wouldn't you REMEMBER what product was being advertised if you associated it in your mind with "Be Very Discriminating"?

Now we have the current Burger King commercial, featuring a human in a giant chicken costume riding a motocross motorcycle, doing various stunts, while a male voice sings in the background, over and over "Big..... Huckin'..... Chicken.....". (It's a pity I don't know how to link to the actual jingle here.)  Huh??  HUCKIN'?????  What the huck??  Are you trying to say "Big Fuckin' Chicken", Burger King, but you can't be profane on TV?  Is THAT it?  As if that's not ignorant enough, can't you at least be GENUINELY CREATIVE about it?  What about "Big CLUCKIN' Chicken" or "Big PLUCKIN' Chicken", for God's sake?  I came up with BOTH of those in about 30 seconds, the very first time I heard the stupid commercial.  I hope they didn't pay the ad agency more than the price of a single Big Huckin' Chicken sandwich for THAT clunker.

I wrote this little post here in just under a half hour, as a way (among other things) of procrastinating over replacing that stupid car battery.  Let me know what you think of my musings and my slogans.  And if you have any of your own, my readers and I would love to hear them.

Thanks for reading.  As Marla (civildis) always says, I love you all.  And boy, is it good to have her back on Xanga!  Please continue to pray for her, and send loving thoughts her way.

EDIT:  Another amusing commercial is also, I think, Burger King's.  In this one, a guy is sitting down with his girlfriend at a fancy restaurant.  Suddenly he stands up from the table.  "I can't eat this SISSY food!" he exclaims.  I'm a MAN, man!"  He then abandons his girlfriend to rush across the street to a fast food restaurant, where he joins thousands of other guys who are lining up for a big, gloppy, takes-two-hands-to-handle-this-son-of-a-bitch Whopper.

Now you can look at the advertising strategy here in terms of the glass being half empty or half full.  But I say, "Great way to alienate 50% of your potential demographic, B.K.!" 

I'm in a rare mood right now, and I should take advantage of it.  Nothing in my external life has changed.  But there's something liberating about being forgiven; it gives one a new lease on life.  Sometimes forgiveness is explicit, sometimes implicit.  Whichever it is, forgiveness is cleansing, whether you're the forgiver or the forgivee.  Thank you, Madame V.  I hope you'll recognize yourself in my words here.

Anyway, I figure I won't post anything political today.  No gloom and doom, much as I may be convinced to the contrary.  There'll be plenty of time for that in the weeks and months and years to come.  Right now I just want to  echo Bobby McFerrin in saying, "Don't worry.  Be happy!"  And the Bible in paraphrasing, "God has everything under control."

I hope you all have a wonderful weekend.  My own weekend will be uneventful, as all my weekends are.  I'll be spending a portion of it trying to figure out what's wrong with Vlad's car.

Vlad's car is a metaphor for my entire life, in more ways than one.  But first let me tell you who Vlad is.

Vlad is my Ukrainian friend who is now an American citizen.  About 15 years ago he came to this country as a political refugee, requesting asylum, which he was granted after spending 7 months in an I.N.S. detention camp in Florida.  Since then he has learned English and garnered a Bachelor's degree and two Master's degrees, albeit at great expense.   He is currently studying for the CPA exam, after which he hopes (finally) to land a decent job.  He has experienced many obstacles along the way, but he is a survivor.  And he is my friend.  I love him like a brother.

Several weeks ago Vlad learned that his only sister back in Ukraine was dying of pancreatic cancer.  So he purchased a plane ticket (expensive!) and prepared to see his sister (and his elderly mother) for what is probably the last time.  I pulled a few strings to get him some powerful medications to take to his sister, medications which she can't get in Ukraine.  I managed to get them for him cheaply.  And a little over a week ago I drove Vlad to the airport up in Chicago, where I promised to return to pick him up in two weeks.  Yes, I am a very good friend. 

The "tradeoff" for all this, if one can think in such terms, is that I would have Vlad's car and cell phone to use for the two weeks he was gone.  I don't own a cell phone.  Vlad's car is 8 years newer than my truck, and has an automatic transmission, honest-to-God power steering and air conditioning, a great radio, even power windows and electric door locks.  I have never in life owned a vehicle with any of these things (except one with an automatic transmission), and wouldn't want most of them because they cost too much to fix when they break down.  (If I can't roll my own windows down with my arms, I need to pack it in.  But I digress.)  The automatic transmission and the power steering are kinda nice, though, and I was looking forward to driving Vlad's car while he was gone.  Maybe even going somewhere on a bit of a mini-adventure.

So here's where the metaphor for my life comes in.  The very day after I got back home, I got in Vlad's car to drive to the community radio station where I do a world music show every week - the high point of my week.  Turned the key in the ignition.  Nothing.  Battery stone dead.  Not even the electric door locks worked.  Fortunately my rusty but trusty old truck was willing to convey me to my destination.  Now, instead of enjoying a mini-perk for two weeks, I'm faced with the task of trying to figure out what's wrong with Vlad's car and get it fixed if possible, before going up to Chicago next Tuesday to pick him up at the airport again.

This is the second time in recent years that this exact thing has happened to me.  Several years ago I took a different friend up to the airport in Chicago at Christmastime, so that he could fly home to see his family for the holidays.  Again, I was to have the use of his car - an all-wheel-drive Eagle Talon, I think it was - while he was gone.  And true to form, it broke down on Christmas Eve.  Instead of going to Chicago to celebrate the holidays, I spent the entire holiday season that year trying to get his car fixed, which I managed to do just in time to go and pick him up at the airport again.

If it seems like I'm complaining, my complaint is good-natured enough.  It's a privilege to have a friend like Vlad, and to BE a friend.  There is great joy in being a friend, even when it entails a certain amount of sacrifice.  Perhaps ESPECIALLY when it entails sacrifice.  Beyond the gift of our unconditional love, what else of value do we really have to contribute to the world?  Sadly, I know people who have never learned that fundamental principle.

So let me thank you all for reading and commenting - for the gift of your friendship, virtual though it may be.  And may each and every one of you have a lovely weekend....despite whatever George Bush may do to further devastate planet Earth. 

Oh...and if you're the praying sort, please pray for my friend Vlad as he faces and deals with the loss of all the family he has left in the world....except me.

EDIT:  Now I'm back indoors after two hours of copious sweat, no actual blood, but (almost) tears.  It seems that the battery on a 1991 Chevy Lumina is UNDERNEATH and SURROUNDED BY the oddly-shaped plastic windshield washer fluid reservoir.  So one must remove a frame-like cross-member, the plastic fuse box, and said reservoir, in that order, before one can even SEE the battery.  Can you say "intelligent design"?  I knew you could.    In the process of removing the reservoir I simply snapped off all sorts of little black plastic fastener thingies, so I hope that gravity alone, and its odd shape, will hold it in place when I reassemble everything.  Meanwhile I suspect that the battery needs to be replaced, which should be a relatively simple matter NOW.  We shall see tomorrow.  Stay tuned.

Overthrow
America's Century of Regime Change from Hawaii to Iraq . . .
'no nation had ever become great without control of foreign markets and access
to the natural resources of foreign countries.'
by Stephen Kinzer

"America's century of regime
changing began not in Iraq but Hawaii. Hawaii? Indeed. Kinzer explains that
Hawaii's white haole minority - in cahoots with the U.S. Navy, the White House
and Washington's local representative - conspired to remove Queen Liliuokalani
from her throne in 1893 as a step toward annexing the islands. The haole
plantation owners believed that by removing the queen (who planned to expand the
rights of Hawaii's native majority) and making Hawaii part of the United States,
they could get in on a lucrative but protected mainland sugar market." --
Washington Post's Book World